(spoken)

good evening i'm from essex

in case you couldn't tell

my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay

and I'm doing very well



had a love affair with Nina

in the back of my Cortina

a seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener

she took me to the cleaners

and other misdemeanours

but I got right up between her

rum and her Ribena



well, you ask Joyce and Vicki

if candy-floss is sticky

I'm not a blinking thicky

I'm Billericay Dickie

and i'm doing very well



I bought a lot of brandy

when I was courting Sandy

took eight to make her randy

and all I had was shandy

another thing with Sandy

what often came in handy

was passing her a 'Mandy'

she didn't half go bandy



so you ask Joyce and Vicki

if I ever took the mickey

I'm not a flipping thicky

I'm billeicay dickie

and I'm doing very well



I'd rondez-vouez with Janet

quite near the Isle of Thanet

she looked more like a gannet

she wasn't half a prannet

her mother tried to ban it

her father helped me plan it

and when I captured Janet she bruised her pomegranet



so you ask Joyce and Vicki

if i ever shaped up tricky

I'm not a blooming thicky

I'm Billericay Dickie

and I'm doing very well



you should never hold a candle if you don't know where it's been

the jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine



so you ask Joyce and Vicki

who's their brickie

I'm not a common thicky

I'm Billericay Dickie

and I'm doing very well



I know a lovely old toe-rag obliging and noblesse

kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness



my given name is Dickie

I come from Billericay

I thought you'd never guess



so you ask Joyce and Vicki

a pair of squeaky chickies

I'm not a flaming thicky I'm Billericay Dickie

and I'm doing very well



oh golly, oh gosh come and lie on the couch

with a nice bit of posh from Burnham-on-Crouch



my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay

and I ain't a sloutch



so you ask Joyce and Vicki

about Billericay Dickie

I ain't an effin' thicky

you ask Joyce and Vicki

and I'm doing very well